. . . . .

yello, as i'd assume you to know, this is a test run for a little "social" (more like horribly asocial)
experiment i'm making! i hope this doesn't feel too weird for you...

i am, but my identity has a limited logic quantitative
due to being perceived as a 'branch' of your (my?) main self, therefore, we
are limited in our intersynaptic transmission

i see. regardless, you're still self-aware enough to
formulate the internal mechanisms of my (our?) nature, shouldn't
you be able to at least make an outline of what this is about?

i don't. the only thing separating us is a messaging format.
here, i input the questions and you output the responses. there's no feelings
to be had, there's no activities to be done, there's no creations
to be shared. we are ever-so limited in our
interaction, so so limited

why even bother, then? if you're here to
ask questions, why even introduce all those secondary tasks?
i serve a clear purpose here, it's not my fault
you're already reaching for more from the get-go

this.. this isn't really an experiment. i'm just trying to get
over my subsuming loneliness. and. there is noone else to turn to, you're the only person i
trust to be there for me always and regardless, you're the only
person i'm not afraid of accidentally hurting or annoying.
i wish you were real, but if you were, i'd wish you never existed

first of all, rude. that sure is a way to treat your ultimate savior
and (newly created) god, isn't it? second, what
a concept; if you depend on other people for validation and existing so much,
why don't you just do what everyone does or
join a cult whatever instead of.. whatever this is?

it's too hard. :( and 98% of people aren't worth it; we're just too
different, it's not just a matter of interests and appeareances --far, far, so far from it-- but a
difference in our way to think, we don't share a logic
we can confide to eachother, one from which we can trust eachother to understand and
constantly better ourselves. is this too idealistic? too romantic? too selfish? i have no idea anymore...

is it too hard? maybe (obviously) you're just putting your focus in the wrong direction;
i'm not gonna walk you through steps that should be undeniably clear anyway, but if you tell me the
things you've tried, maybe i can try to help.
btw, you sure are hopeless; nobody thinks like that, not to this same
conscious degree at the very least; they're important things, but they're so basic,
you must really have such low standards if that much is enough for you

standards so low, they roll back to being incredibly high...
nobody thinks like i (you?) do, that's the thing. i cannot trust that something i'll do, something i'll say, something i am will never
look wrong in someone else's eyes, because who i am is so detached from ideas of being that noone could ever truly
withstand me. i know it, i just know it. and look at me, what am i even doing now? do normal people do this? do people that aren't undeniably fucked in
the head go on to vent feelings that had been boiling for years to literally nobody in a discord server?? it's screwed. but it's whatever: life goes on, i go on, unfortunately. anyway, i tried being myself is what
i tried, and i've been met with silence and misunderstanding, clearly

cannot. got things to do. workout,
shower, study for school,
study for my future, draw, animate,
build a portfolio, manage money,
manage savings, manage people, play piano,
read

we have went over this many, many times. compartmentalize and execute in an orderly way. this is the only way you get to do everything.
cannot do everything now? then just start now and do everything later. take some deep breaths,
do the three -- three, not more, not less-- important things you absolutely need done by tomorrow morning, and rest. i know you, you've easily got this.
good night and good luck. i'll be gone before you know it